Thanksgiving with Food Allergies

Aren’t the holidays are already hard enough?  Seeing relatives who don’t relate—?   Now add to that bowl of mixed nuts or mashed potatoes a tree nut, peanut or dairy allergy and there is likely to be an explosion of emotions.  Take solace in the fact that firstly, you are not alone.  Secondly, there are some ways to avoid the sparks—like the moms who have shared their stories in “Flourishing with Food Allergies.”

Here are some things to try:

• Two weeks before the holiday:  Once you know who is hosting, you should start the communication by calling or emailing.  Explain nicely something along the lines of, “As you probably remember, our son/daughter is allergic to [nuts, peanuts, dairy, soy, egg] and so we want to make it easy for everyone involved so we will bring some allergy-free food for our child.”  This will take the pressure off of the hostess and also serve as a reminder to him or her when they are deciding on whether or not to buy a bag of tree nuts or peanuts for the coffee table.  This may also allow the hostess to pass along the information to others who may be bringing food.
• One week before the holiday:  Talk to your spouse and child in a formal way (i.e. at dinner or when there are limited distractions).  Explain that you are going to Aunt Allergy-Food for Thanksgiving and you have contacted her to remind her of the allergy and advise her that you will be bringing some food for your son/daughter.  If there is to be frustration expressed between spouses, it is best to air it well before the holiday and give it time to settle back down, rather than the night before or the day of the holiday.  This communication will also set the expectation for your child that they will have their own food on the big day.
• One day before the holiday:  Talk to your child again, alone and confirm what food they want at the big event.  Tell them that you want to make them happy and have the foods they want.  Make sure you have that food purchased, prepared and a ready-to-go-cooled container.  Explain to your child that he or she is not allowed to eat anything, unless they ask you first.  Tell them there will be many snacks that may make them sick.  This way, your child has an expectation of the situation and will not be so angry to find out that they can’t eat the food once they see it.  Hopefully the fruit, vegetables and other some other safe snacks will make the child pleasantly surprised.
• On the holiday:  Bring your child’s requested, favorite foods as well as some traditional food for the holiday such as a turkey breast that you cooked or some corn bread that is safe.   Most children don’t like trying new foods so as long as their bellies and mouths are full with something they like, there will be fewer problems.  By providing a new food or two (e.g. corn muffin, cranberry) their eyes and curiosity will hopefully be satisfied as well.  Always remember to bring your child’s EpiPen and some antihistamine with your own spoon or measuring cup. 

At the holiday—try to relax.  Keep an eye on your child without chasing them around.  If there is an obvious problem with food placement (a plate of peanut butter cookies on the coffee table) casually move them to higher ground with a smile and some grace.  Undoubtedly someone (often the less sensitive sorts) will try to engage in a food allergy discussion, often right in front of your children.  Try to be nice and excuse yourself if you sense they are the disbelieving type and will try to argue about the reality of it.   If the holiday environment is too chaotic or if you sense there will soon be an catastrophe, then keep it short and be on your way. 

Keep your children safe and yourself calm.  Try to make it a Happy Thanksgiving.

Food Allergy Guilt and Action

As parents, we face many difficult challenges and I know many parents who feel they could do more for their child which creates a feeling of guilt. This guilt can lead to frustration because so many of us are busy trying to balance caring for our children, with caring for our finances (working), with caring for our homes, with caring for ourselves, as well as maintaining some relationships with family and friends outside of our homes. With the economy in a seemingly constant state of chaos, the financial burden and stress can compound each of these factors. Then if you factor in food allergies or related disorders of ADHD, autism or asthma, the fear, anxiety and frustration can often feel overwhelming to even the strongest parent. The impact of these problems on families when the children attend day care, school, social events or extra curricular activities can be immense.

Many of us try to make New Year’s resolutions. Consider this one if you are dealing with food allergies for your child: Stop feeling guilty. Stop assuming any blame for your child’s allergies. If you fed them the peanut butter cracker or the almond when they were “too young” stop thinking that you made some sort of mistake. There isn’t enough conclusive evidence in the world of food allergies to know for sure what the right thing is to do. Specifically, do you avoid peanuts or dairy while you are pregnant to avoid creating food allergies in your child? Or do you eat those foods with the hope that those foods will desensitize your baby to a possible food allergy?

In addition to not feeling guilty about what has happened in the past, consider an additional New Year’s resolution of accepting what is. I.e. accept the reality of your situation and recognize that it could be worse. Specifically, once you accept the food allergy in your child you can (1) learn all the names and ingredients that are made from that food allergen (e.g. casein is made from milk protein or arachis is made from peanut); then (2) take the next step and clean cupboards of all foods containing any ingredient to which your child is allergic. Toss out garbage foods that contain more than five or ten ingredients including corn syrup. To that point, did you hear that most corn syrup contains mercury─a heavy metal that can lead to various disorders such as ADHD and autism? 

According to Institute for Agriculture and Trade Policy, “Mercury was found in nearly 50% of tested samples of commercial high fructose corn syrup. Ben Lilliston of The Institute for Agriculture and Trade Policy (IATP) reports that in a follow up study they detected mercury in ‘nearly one-third of 55 popular brand-name food and beverage products where HFCS is the first or second highest labeled ingredient─including products by Quaker, Hershey’s, Kraft and Smucker. In his report Lilliston claims that the average American consumes about 12 teaspoons per day of HFCS and some kids and teens can be consuming up to nearly 80% more than that. Many parents of children suffering from neurological disorders have found that the removal of high fructose corn syrup from their child’s diet has been beneficial. These alarming studies prove that perhaps the reason moves beyond the argument that fructose sugar is bad for your metabolism or that a corn allergy is present in all kids who benefit from removing high fructose corn syrup from their diets. Perhaps the real underlying problem for some is a metal toxicity issue. We all want what is best for our children, and the recent spike in cases of children suffering from multiple allergies, autism, ADHD, and chronic multifocal tic disorders really proves that there is something rotten in our food chain.”[i]

In short, for the New Year, if you are dealing with food allergies, autism, ADHD or asthma stop feeling guilty and start helping your child by clearing out your cupboards of foods that contain the thing he or she is allergic to, as well as high fructose corn syrup. If you think your child who has ADHD, autism or asthmatic doesn’t have food allergies, consider the information in the blog entry titled, Delayed Food Allergies: Autism, ADHD, Asthma.  In that blog entry there are references to resources that explain how and which foods tend to aggravate these disorders making symptoms worse.  Remember, it takes about three weeks to clear out the body of these foods.  In some cases, the food allergies can be mitigated to the point where the disorders are not apparent.  That is truly something to celebrate in the New Year!

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[i]Caryn Talty, Editor of Healthy-family.org, “Dangerous Levels of Mercury found in Products Made with High Fructose Corn Syrup,” http://healthy-family.org/caryn/1186/dangerous-levels-of-mercury-found-in-brand-name-products-made-with-high-fructose-corn-syrup, January 2009.